False Hope by Caroline and Kimala

so i am turning into a great seething mass, no center, no end
no light just something warm it feels like a baby bird that
i flung from its tree afterward you look at me as if to say
"what are you hurtling toward?" i love you but i'm afraid
of the way my heart becomes a lake of ice when it's cold and there's
no warmth to be found in where I've been searching. In the 
darkness, we wait water dripping in the distance pounding into
our minds lacking any real distinct rhythm and yet and yet...
Hungry, hungrier than we've ever been as our stomach
tries to swallow itself and our minds drift toward delirium once
for fun we gathered all our spit into a jar and added red food
colouring then i put my finger in, then i wiped it under your throbbing
black eye and that was it for us both, you put your hands up
and said, "listen, we can't do anything." I believed you. I believed
everything. Strange to think of where it all comes from
how beliefs come to be. I waited for you. I waited and
was let down. Like the bent back door frame in my 
mother's house I was left just hanging. It is my 
belief that it wasn't your fault that my spirit animal was
a cockroach with a diamond instead of a heart. i took too many sips
of your ugly beverage, it made me taste like soot and from between
my legs you pull plumes and plumes of smoke from my core and
the last thing i remember thinking is
we are not getting out of this stuck like the ribbons
that fell in the mud on your sister's wedding day.
Your hand brushed mine when we were walking and
your elbow grazed the back of my neck when
you were reaching for something on the top
shelf but you never let your eyes drift to the bookcase and
i realize the most important book i ever owned was a sonic the
hedgehog comic blue and faded as rust. when two or three people love
one another the inner toddler can either suffocate or climb out of the
head, roaring for milk and a place to scratch that hard
to reach spot on the back. In what was thought
to be the best years of our lives we spent them 
holding on to hopes that have always been false.